As far I understand this is an uninteresting blog, read by noone (except one person. Who won´t read it again.) So I will just simply stop writing. Got nothing more to say to the world! (at least nothing that the world wants to know.)

Why did they shut me out of Heaven?
Did I sing too loud?

No dear Emily - you did not! If you had only been able to see into the future....! (on the other hand - people still want women to be nice, quiet, humble little mice. Or - as Doris "Dotty" Lessing put it - what´s the point of being a free woman when there are no free men?)

We who are free men and women. Who said that? Dear little S:t Paul! (sorry Paul. I think you were too optimistic there. But nice try! At least you WANTED it.)

Du ska få mitt gamla snapsglas när jag dör
du ska få mitt gamla snapsglas när jag dör
när jag reser mig ur askan
dricker jag direkt ur flaskan
du ska få mitt gamla snapsglas när jag dör!

(vann nyligen SM i snapsvisor.Genial.)

Sorry you non-Swedes couldn´t understand. A Swedish drinking song!
Shkåll to you all! (I´m a teetotal. Drink only Coca Cola. Always from the bottle.)

NOW I know! This Schubert symphony shouldn´t be played with perfection because it IS not perfect. It is a daring experiment by Schubert! Who had ever heard a symphony orchestra sound like that - with all that brass and with that both apocalyptic and hopefully visionary sound? Is the world heading towards a disaster or towards a new beginning? (something we still ask ourselves. Even more today!)

So - everyone trying to interpret this symphony in the old-fashioned "perfect" fashion will fail. THIS is how it should sound - sort of VIBRATING and full of ideas which may not always fit together but which create a breathtaking feeling of STANDING IN THE MIDST OF LIFE!

Actually, I fell asleep in the middle of it (during the wonderful movement with the oboe playing this "wandering" motif). Or rather I dozed in a content sort of half-slumber. Not because the music was boring but because when I relaxed I felt how TIRED I was! (just like the poet in Schubert´s song cycle Winterreise.) But - if this should happen to you too, dear readers - don´t be embarassed! Just remember Stravinsky´s words "It doesn´t matter if you fall asleep listening to Schubert because when you awake you are in Heaven!"

You wouldn´t believe this - but today I got an e-mail from the secretary of the Swedish Academy in Stockholm! Hi Horace! Do you read my blog? Anyway, he responded to my congratulations on the Academy´s choice of Doris Lessing as this year´s Nobel laureate of literature! (oh THAT academy? Yes that academy! World famous during some wonderful days of the year!) You know - the man who steps out from The Door and announces the winner in 5 languages! Horace Engdahl!

Do you know my reaction when he announced Doris Lessing? "At last!" (sorry I wasn´t there. I should have replaced Gert Fylking haha.) (only Swedes understood that.) My second reaction was (this is embarrasing) :"Is she still ALIVE??" (my God I´m illiterate. How could I not know that she is "alive and kicking"??)

That´s what happens when you pass 80. People begin to think you´r e dead. Last year I heard Nicolai Gedda on the radio. What a wonderful tenor! The best one we´ve had since Jussi Björling! (in Sweden I mean.) Is HE alive?? I didn´t know! I had to call a music critic on a big Swedish paper (no names) and this person said "I don´t know either!" (my God. We were 2 MUSICALLY illiterate ones. Best not tell anyone...)

Anyway - he was FOUND. In Switzerland where he lived and had celebrated his 80th birthday!

Sorry - I won´t tell the world any secrets about Horace! Just that the word "secretary" is better than it sounds. The secretary of the Swedish Academy is the "outward face" so to speak of the Academy. The PUBLIC face would perhaps be a better description. A sort of embodiment of the Academy - who is supposed to be able to speak on its behalf! The rest of the 18 members are most of them well-known authors - and they can´t be sacked! I mean even if they should resign they are still considered members - until they die! (wow. That´s not bad is it? In these days when people get sacked all the time. A job that you simply cannot lose!)

Did you that people BET on the winner of this price? In betting bureaus? I didn´t know! Well - here is the top 10 list of the betting bureau Ladbroke this year (Doris was NOT on the list.)
1. Claudio Magris
2. Les Murray
3. Philip Roth
Tomas Tranströmer (hooray! People abroad want him to win!)
5. Adonis
6. Amos Oz
Haruki Murakami
Hugo Claus
Joyce Carol Oates
Ko Un

Ko Un I have to read. His new novel sounds irresistible! (about a buddhist monk and his pilgrimage.)

These are MY favourites (whom I would like to win. Aside from Tomas of course.)

Don DeLillo
Jaan Kaplinski
Arundhati Roy
Nawal el Sadawi
Li Po (no - sorry. He was a Chinese poet during the Tang dynasti. I sometimes pretend that I am he...)

The Expert has spoken!

By the way - have you eaten any Swedes lately? (this is SO funny. Till er svenskar: visste ni att kålrot heter Swede på engelska? I think the other name for this vegetable is turnip.)

Wow. I have to write this in Swedish (translation will follow.)

Radiosymfonikerna. Dom påstod att ni satsat på fel häst - Daniel Harding! Nej - ni kan tacka er lyckliga stjärna. Nu börjar nåt nytt. Som kan leda vart som helst! Detta är bara början - believe me!

Vem har nånsin hört Schuberts 9:a spelas på detta sätt? Inte jag i alla fall! Tala om NÄRLÄSNING (av partitur.) Jag hade väl aldrig kunnat ana att denna symfoni innehöll så mycket! (ja jag vet - ni är vana vid show-men. Men koppla bort det nu. Detta är på riktigt!) (jag tror ni vet det. Att döma av era lyckliga uppsyner efteråt. Särskilt Bernt Lysell som stod och strålade!)

Alltså - jag känner att detta var en prövande början - på ett långt och lyckligt förhållande! (är det perfekt från början blir man misstänksam. Vart går man från perfektion?) Daniel Harding lät orkestern brassa på för fullt (tyckte mig höra nedtonad volym i fortissimo-utbrotten. Vilket tyder på ljudteknikens otillräcklighet att fånga hela detta sound. I Berwaldhallen måste det ha låtit MAGNIFIKT!) Och - då hörde man alla dessa nya saker. T.ex. trumpeterna (påminde om Mahler. Det där hotfullt genomträngande och samtidigt exakta. Trumpetprecision som inte går att värja sig emot!) Och alla andra små insatser och samtidiga ljud som man aldrig tidigare hört. (och som därför fått 9:an att framstå som "tråkig". Lång och tråkig och samma hela tiden.)

I´m amazed. Stum nästan. Som om jag inte borde skriva nåt. (och störa undret.)

How can I translate this? Daniel Harding did a stunning performance of the Schubert 9th symphony with the Swedish Radio symphony orchestra. (his new "band".) A new reading of this score! A new Schubert! (I suppose you all can watch it on the web-TV of the Swedish televison. SvT, web-site. Veckans konsert. Which means Concert of the Week.)

Well well - of course I can´t keep my mouth shut! (that´s not how I was brought up. We were allowed free speech.)

And this time I´m very concerned about the Israeli doctor N. That´s all I know about him! Except that he wrote the best comments ever on the Alice Miller web-site! What concerned me (I beacame very angry) was that neither Alice Miller nor Barbara Rogers (they work together on this site) responded him! The either ignored his VERY valuable (and frank) words - OR simply abused him! (with words.)

I just can´t believe this. And I VERY much doubt that this site has anything to do with Alice Miller! If so (if I am right) someone must take legal action!

To MY letter (which wasn´t published on the site) they simply answered (I mean Barbara answered) that I was "psychoanalytically contaminated"! When I replied that I didn´t want to be insulted (I hadn´t insulted THEM - just raised a question!) I got another reply saying I WAS psychologically contaminated! (and therefore a hopeless case. They couldn´t help me!) (I had never ASKED for help. Just wanted to start a discussion.) I have tried to contact them again - in vain. No reply!

And - now I see it happen again - with a fine man giving of himself and his experience! Doctor N. in Israel! Does anybody know him? Or - if you should read this yourself, doctor N. - I would like very much to get into contact with you!

Well well. I don´t think I´ll continue writing here. No point! I have sort of become invisible. Very few people answers me these days. Some days I wonder if I EXIST at all! (like throwing my words out into nothingness.)

I supppose I ought to just shut up! (that is stop talking and writing.) Who wants to listen to me anyway? (well at least I´ve got my cat - Pelle! He doesn´t reproach me or think I´m crazy or wants me to be any other person than who I am!) ( my parents were the same. Wish they were here. Maybe the only ones who really cared!)

I think I´ll do what I normally do when I feel lonely (or just want to "discuss" something) - write to my "twin soul" the poet Tomas Tranströmer! He can´t respond (suffers from aphasia) but I know he understands! ( he is like my brother. Would never condemn me. Even laughs at my jokes!)

Hör suset av regn.
Jag viskar en hemlighet
för att nå in dit.

MY poem - which he included in his most recent collection! (The Great Riddle or The Great Mystery. Hasn´t been translated yet. Swedish title: Den stora gåtan.) I wish he would tell it to the WORLD! (how can he? Suffers from aphasia!)

Hojsan hojsan här. Nu fick jag napp! Från självaste Per Wirtén! (sorry all Englishspeaking readers - if I have any - I got contact here with a famous Swede! Journailst and editor of magazine Arena. I have to use Swedish for a while.) (he is in Transylvania to visit his old friend Count Dracula...)

Förlåt mitt dumma skämt. Transylvanerna är utleda på den gamle greven. Tänk dig att berätta att man kommer från Transylvanien och se liksom skräck i folks ögon. "Jaså säger du det?" (var la jag vitlöken? Och korset?)

När jag och min bästis var i Polen 1976 var ABBA väldigt populära där. Så fort man sa att man var från Sverige lyste folk upp och sa "Ah! ABBA!" (som dom uttalade med båda b:na fullt hörbara.) Vi blev populära för att vi kom från samma land som denna sagolika grupp! (själv hade jag ett svalt intresse för dom - minst sagt.)
Det var så OTROLIGT fattigt där (man förstod verkligen varför Solidaritet växte fram). Dom kanske behövde lite glamour? Eller - var det låten Waterloo som tilltalade polackerna? Svenskar som erkänner sig besegrade! (Polen tillhörde ju oss en gång. Vilket man fick lite gliringar för.)

Nackdelen med det rika Sverige är att arbetssökandet blev omgärdat med rigida (onödiga, löjliga) regler. Förr (i det gamla fattigare Sverige) tog man jobbb lite hur som helst - där det FANNS! (ibland från en dag till nästa. Det var bara att börja!) I PRAKTIKEN finns det hur många jobb som helst (för arbetslösa) - men det går inte att få dom på grund av alla regler. (oj vilka påhopp jag kommer att få. Men det får jag väl ta. Jag är inte nån liten försiktig mes...)

Det värsta är nog ändå byråkratiseringen - som smugit sig in i privatlivet! (i dom flesta länder verkar dom skilja mellan offentligt och privat i denna fråga. Men i Sverige har byråkratin nästlat sig in i sovrummen!) Jag överdriver jag vet. Men detta är en av mina käpphästar. Är vi inte mer en byråkrati än en demokrati? Och hur går demokrati (folkvälde) ihop med monarki? (envälde. Som ju i praktiken inte ÄR det. Kungen ÄR liksom inte vår statschef!) Hurra för att leva i ett sagoland!

Min nya titel: åsiktskonstnär! (hittade jag på idag.)
Vi hade ett litet utbyte (av åsikter) om Latinamerika. Remember? Politiken sitter väl i generna! (ministrar och partiledare i släkten.)